On Expanding Your Comfort Zone to Achieve Your Goals From a Place Surrender

I’ve recently branched out into sharing video, something that formally made me uncomfortable enough not to do it. Today I want to share some revelations that came to me as a result of finally stepping into it from a place of ease, without force.

As I have stepped into my femininity over the past few years, slowly unravelling the deeply imbedded wounded masculine within me, I have come to realise that force has no place in my life. There are many ways in which we exert violence (force) against our bodies. One obvious kind of force is born out of “I should do this” as opposed to “I want to do this”.

Another, and the kind I want to explore today, is a force where you might actively want to do something, but aren’t. This is the most interesting place to be in, because your conscious mind is saying yes but your subconscious mind is saying no. Whether it be an exercise program, a diet, or growing into a new role in your life (in my case, sharing more video), I deeply deeply believe in the sustainable path that comes when we operate from a place of ease, not force.

When we force something before its time, we’re actually bulldozing our subconscious— we’re bypassing the body’s intelligent protection mechanisms that are there for a reason. This is one of the reasons why people who embark on extreme new paths, will fail. Time and time again, those who pursue extremes from this place of force will end up right where they began, if not worse off. This is because by trying to force anything, we are telling our bodies that they are wrong, and we heighten our sense of dissociation and disconnection from our body. The less we listen to our body’s messages, the less clear the communication will be.

All our habits are born our of learning. Some things we learn we may perceive to be bad, like my previous fear of being on camera more publicly on social media. In reality, this aversion was born out of the perfect self-protection mechanism my mind/ body/ soul crafted to protect me from something it perceived to be dangerous. We call this a fear, but really it’s anything preventing us from achieving a goal. By the time we are adults, it’s really less about learning new things (from a place of force) and much more about unlearning (to remove our fears, unlocking our natural capacity to step into and achieve our goals naturally).

The ‘aha’ moment came for me after I recently posted a video that I recorded for Instagram, stepping into this new space that for so many years was hyper-daunting. I was sitting on the kitchen counter speaking with my partner and without thinking twice, I thanked him for expanding my comfort zone. In that moment I realized that he had not for a moment pushed me OUT of my comfort zone, but rather had helped me expand my comfort zone.

This is a huge difference to the kind of ‘hustle’ culture people preach. Things like “success lives outside of your comfort zone” and other ridiculous claims that encourage people to dissociate from their body’s wisdom.

There is no need to ever force life. Life unfolds in divine timing, and just like a rose will die if you try to pry its petals open early: so do we. Crumple under the own weight of our timelines, in a culture that pushes people to think, do, say, and perform faster, better, and stronger.

If a rose’s development is delayed, we examine the environment. We water her, we place our pot in a more appropriate light environment, or better yet we plant her outdoors. We tend to the soil, we speak to her lovingly. And similarly, the ways in which my love has tended to my heart and soul since we’ve met, has enabled me to feel safe enough to blossom into this next chapter of my life. No force, just surrender to life’s natural unfolding.

Tending to the reasons why your body doesn’t want to do something, is everything. It’s not necessarily about finding the love of your life, to the contrary: partnership or not, your capacity to surrender will always reflect the inner work. But this is a radical new way of navigating life, without force.

Note that this doesn’t mean everything will be easy. Learning new things, implementing new things can be confusing and at times difficult. But there is an honouring of your own pace, your own process, and there is an ease in showing up; a kind of surrender that paired with practice, yields success.

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I’ve written an article on some of my favourite online courses, that have helped me over the years. I’ll also link to a few podcasts I’ve shared with modalities that have helped me come home to my body, and expand my comfort zone, so that I can achieve my goals, with total ease.